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The past year I knew that I was  supposed to  sit still and listen, to heal from the past and to figure out a new life path.  So I listened.  This week has been rather an emotional roller-coaster.  I finally sucked it up and demanded I go to the doctor.  I hate new doctors, all of my life it is the same thing.  Lots of tests and no answers.  Hormones are off,  without reason.  Thyroid is  off but wait the meds make it more off.  the allergy to hormone drugs makes it impossible to treat those.  So most doctors give up and just treat what they can, the best they can.

To be a child with migraines that they can’t find a reason for or a teenager whose weight fluctuates daily, life is annoying at best.  I learned to accept and treat my own migraines through meditation and homeopathic avenues.  I have always kept jeans two sizes larger and two smaller just because it  literally depended on what my body decided to be doing.  With every family funeral I knew the grief and stress would send my body into a tailspin.   Certain classes in college, like those in school gave me headaches and migraines.  with every new doctor all the new tests, there was always hope that this would be the one.  Nope, never.

I walked into this appointment with little hope on that part.  I just wanted my levels  somewhere close  to normal.  I wanted my sugar low enough to get me out of keto. I have in the last six to eight months lost right at 100 pounds.  I am wearing a size 16 which is what I was wearing when I graduated high school.  I am proud, except I have done nothing to lose this weight.  Yes we have changed diet but no one in the house is losing.

I sat patiently as I can waiting for the doctor to come in after the weigh in, bp checked and all that.  He sticks his head in and lets me know he will be in soon.  A man about my  age with astigmatism to rival my best friend came bouncing into the  room.  He says, “Your A1C looks like shit.”  No kidding?  My blood glucose is sitting at 575. I said with a grin.  We both laugh.  I have not been to a doctor in the last 15 years that actually touched me anywhere. From the top of my head to my waist he began to tap, touch, poke, prod and talk.  The whole time he is asking questions like, ‘how long have you had migraines?  what meds have they put you on?  how about your menstral cycles? regular?’ Questions most doctors have not even wanted to know answers to when I tried  to tell them.

So, I left with normal meds.  BP med, blood sugar meds and a deposit of 5 vials of blood.  The usual 3 vials taken and 2 I was wondering about.

Acromegaly.  Really?  Something benign attached in my brain?  Something that explained all the stupid discrepancies.  Not found until I am 47?  At first I was angry, then scared, then I am like I have lived with this all my life what difference does it make?  I can now take meds and it might not make it wholly right but for now it can make it better.  A hereditary benign tumor attached to the pituitary gland that controls growth hormones.

I have for most of my life know there was something different, something “wrong” but there never seemed to be any answers.  Now I have answers and even more questions.  MRI will determine the size of the tumor and how close it is to the optic nerve.  Do we take the tumor out?  Will it in time put enough pressure on the optic nerve and take my sight.  I find that a little upsetting as how do you take pictures an edit photos without your sight?  As many questions as this finding has answered it brings with it new and life changing questions.

One thing about it, it has started me forward thinking.  What I want, who I want in my life, how I plan to make it all happen.  The one thing that makes it flare is stress so time remove  the  stressers  in my life.

lovelight

goldfilledbowelIt is the broken, tinged with gold that are beautiful and I intend to shine that  beauty every single day.

 

 

 

 

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