Austin has been a place of healing, of growing, and of amazing things. It has been a long three years since Dad passed away and for the first two of those years I didn’t even realize that I had shut myself into my own little world. I didn’t want to feel anything or anyone. I left people and things in my life that I know were not healthy or for the best but I just didn’t have the strength or energy to deal with it. I just didn’t care.
A year has come and gone since the move to Austin I swore I would never open my heart again, that I would never love again and in doing so I would never heal and grow from my grief. But a tiny little boy reached up and with ease opened my heart. I began to heal and grow.
Even though things have not been easy, they have been quite hard actually, I began to start living again. One of the scariest, darkest moments in my life let me begin to live. Through any and all hard things in my life, I had been proud to say I had never even thought of ending my own life. One night during the flooding rains, I found myself sitting on the rivers edge in the pick-up and wondering what would stop me from driving off into the raging water. I sat there for a long time, and as I did, the voices of people that truly love me filled my heart. Friends and family that I would hurt if I did. I put the truck in reverse and parked in a safe place. I cried all the way back to the apartment, actually shaking in fear of what I had thought.
I scolded myself for being so selfish and self-centered for a fleeting moment. I honestly think I was put on that rivers edge to scare the life back into me.
So, tomorrow, with resume in hand I embark on a new journey. Three hour interview with a great company, the last one in a line of several. I don’t often ask for you to keep me in your thoughts and prayers but I do now. Love and blessings and forever grateful!!