She stepped outside of the comfort box, spending the day on the sand. Letting the waves of the lake break against her skin and wash the world away. She made new friends and stood holding hands with strangers that are now dear. She laid on a towel, stretched out on the beach in the Texas sun. Talking to people unknown until today, learning and sharing and laughing the day away. As night began to fall and she shared her towel with others to watch the beautiful Texas sunset over the water, the campfire crackling and the breeze blowing, it was as if their souls were one. The campfire embers burning low, the stars above beginning to shine, their voices lowering and she spread out on the towel, resting her head on the leg of a stranger. Not needing to know which of her new friends was the pillow, she closed her eyes and drifted away on a breeze. Letting nothing but the love of these incredible friends, the weight of the world to fly on the night air and a smile crossed her face. Not a forced smile, but one that only comes when peace is reached.
Austin has been a place of healing, of growing, and of amazing things. It has been a long three years since Dad passed away and for the first two of those years I didn’t even realize that I had shut myself into my own little world. I didn’t want to feel anything or anyone. I left people and things in my life that I know were not healthy or for the best but I just didn’t have the strength or energy to deal with it. I just didn’t care.
A year has come and gone since the move to Austin I swore I would never open my heart again, that I would never love again and in doing so I would never heal and grow from my grief. But a tiny little boy reached up and with ease opened my heart. I began to heal and grow.
Even though things have not been easy, they have been quite hard actually, I began to start living again. One of the scariest, darkest moments in my life let me begin to live. Through any and all hard things in my life, I had been proud to say I had never even thought of ending my own life. One night during the flooding rains, I found myself sitting on the rivers edge in the pick-up and wondering what would stop me from driving off into the raging water. I sat there for a long time, and as I did, the voices of people that truly love me filled my heart. Friends and family that I would hurt if I did. I put the truck in reverse and parked in a safe place. I cried all the way back to the apartment, actually shaking in fear of what I had thought.
I scolded myself for being so selfish and self-centered for a fleeting moment. I honestly think I was put on that rivers edge to scare the life back into me.
So, tomorrow, with resume in hand I embark on a new journey. Three hour interview with a great company, the last one in a line of several. I don’t often ask for you to keep me in your thoughts and prayers but I do now. Love and blessings and forever grateful!!