My earliest recollections in life, I knew I was different. I knew that I was abnormal and made people nervous. We lived in a big two story house out in the country and it is the one place that I felt safe. Even years after we moved and there were only remains left, when times in my life seemed difficult or hard to manage, I would drive out to the old farm house. Parking in the old drive at the edge of the road, I would wander through the rows of cotton, or rows of dead, dried cotton stalks to the remains and sit on what was the porch. I would let the peaceful feeling engulf my mind, my body and my soul. I would spend what seemed like hours sitting there talking to nothing, pouring out my heart to that peaceful feeling. Looking around to make sure no one was watching me for they would think I had some sort of mental disorder. The truth is and was then, that is where I am closest to Jack.
We moved from the house when I was two, Jack went with me then and stayed until I was six. Most people would say that Jack was my imaginary friend. Far from imaginary. Jack was an earth bound spirit, guardian angel that lived in the house when we moved in. He was more than my friend, he was my protector. I have always had the ability to communicate with these angels and with spirits bound to the earth. Sometimes they are my guardians and sometimes they are guardians of others seeking earthly help. I know that sounds strange but I will explain.
More than once in my life I have been called upon to help these angels take a living soul across into the other realm. No, I have never killed any one. There is a time in between sleeping and being awake in which you are more open to the spirit world. Usually a couple of weeks before someone dies, I spend most of my sleep time in that in between place, talking, listening, being prepared to assist. Some times, I know the person and other times I have never met them and have no clue as to their whereabouts. On such time, I did know the woman. She was a patient in Mother and Dad’s care facility. She came to stay there because she was nearing 100 and needed assistance in her day to day living. She had never taken any medication other than a daily vitamin and the occasional aspirin. As her health began to fail with age, she and I would sit and talk for periods of time. She was very devout in her bible studies and truly believed that when you left this living body that there would be a mansion with gold streets waiting for her. There would be times that she was so close to the other side that you thought any moment her blood pressure would bottom out. It was at those times that she would call for me, or tell Mother she wanted me to hold her hand for a bit. I would sit at her bedside holding her hand or lay my head upon her shoulder and we would talk. When I would leave the room her blood pressure would be just as strong as ever and I would need a nap. My Mother had been watching this go on for days. She asked the woman why she wouldn’t go ahead and go that it was okay to go. The woman looked into my mother’s eyes and said, “Rebecca will take me across when it is time. I don’t want to go because I think that I am going to hell instead of going to heaven. There isn’t a mansion or gold streets.” She then closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. About a week went by, I went to bed one night and fell into the in between place. There appeared three of the most beautiful, word defying angels I had ever seen. Angels in their natural form look nothing like what you see in pictures, they are so much more. In spirit, I reached my hand toward the woman, across some invisible barrier, called her by name and told her it was time to go. I knew that she was going to refuse for the angels were in their natural form. I turned to these most magnificent beings and said, ” she won’t come unless you look like angels.” I turned back to the woman and she took my hand. She walked off into the distance with three of the most incredible angels ever. Breathtakingly beautiful angels. I was immediately awake, reaching for the phone as it rang. ” I know Mother, she is gone and I am on my way,” Mother hadn’t said a word on the other end of the phone line. When I arrived at my Mother’s, she grabs me in a big hug and says, “I am sorry I woke you this early, but I was scared for you. The patient kept reaching out and calling your name.” I held her close and told her what all had happened. “Mom, I did take her to the other side, but not by dying with her.”
As a photographer, I let the creator guide me in finding pictures to take. I may drive all day and never see anything that I need to share. I battle spirit energies in my photos all the time. Some days there will be many white ones, some times colored ones. The picture above is of a house in Coleman, Texas, you will notice right away the two purple orbs but did you notice the third orb? The blue one? The blue orb is often in my pictures, floating somewhere in between me and whatever I am photographing. I have seen red ones and green ones and often an orange one. As much as I would like to say I hate them, I really don’t for I know that I am being looked after by some incredible guardian angels. Below is a picture that I took on a county road outside of Bangs, Texas. Notice the orb, I didn’t until I brought it up on the computer.
It is amazingly clear and the first time I have ever seen one that looks like a soap bubble.
Yes, I have known since I was little that I was different. Communicating with spirits and angels isn’t normal. But it also isn’t the only thing. When I was little, even before we moved to town, I remember being able to tell Mother or Dad if someone was coming to visit. I knew if someone was or had been on the land or to the house. We all learned if I had a bad feeling about something or someone to be cautious. It was like I could see ahead of time. Some times the premonitions would come in the form of a dream but for the most part they just popped into my head. I have an Aunt that lived far off for awhile. I was in the fourth or fifth grade when they lived back East. I could tell my mother, ” Aunt Mo is fixing to call and she is upset about something.” No sooner than the words escaped my mouth the phone would ring and it would in fact be my Aunt.
My mother, even though she too had at one time also had these gifts, didn’t always understand them and she surely didn’t want me to show them when we went around her family. She was afraid of them knowing. I think she thought because of their upbringing in the church that I would be deemed evil or a witch. Dad also had these gifts very strongly when he was young. He learned to block them early in life because of people in his life that sought to use them to destroy him. So even though I was encouraged at home to allow them to grow and become a part of who I am, I was also taught the dangers and the fears of using them around outsiders.
Have you ever sat in a room full of people and listened to the white noise? The words that you can only hear with your heart not your ears? Have you ever seen someone from a distance say passing in an unknown car and known who they were? Going to Texas Tech was a nightmare. I would walk into an auditorium filled with 500 other people and the white noise would overwhelm me. The girl on the front row… “I wish all these people would notice me and know that I am smarter than anyone in the room.” The boy on the tenth row…”Man! She was smoking last night. I wonder when I can get her back into my bed again.” The scenario goes on and on but you get the idea. Thoughts that jump through peoples minds as they are sitting through their day. So you learn to block it all out and to guard your own feelings with and iron resolve. I learned to deal with the migraines that came with overload, that came with all the noise in my head. I learned that people would say one thing and think another. I learned to block it out when meeting someone for the first time so as not to judge them. I learned with some difficulty to not get my feelings hurt about things. I was forever being hurt by things that most people just took as a day to day life. To see someone else hurting and my heart would literally hurt for them. I had to learn that I was not the mother to everyone that I couldn’t always fix what was broken to make their pain go away. Besides I learned that it wasn’t my responsibility to do such.
Hidden away for so many years, I was always the quiet and shy kid. I thought the older I got, the stronger my empathy and passion became that at some point I would stand up and be noticed. I would be able to walk out into the world and share my heart with others. It really didn’t happen like that at all. See fear is a very strong emotion. When asked my biggest fear, I could always come up with something to be afraid of. But in all honesty to you and to myself I was afraid of showing me. Afraid of being called a freak, being called weird, or the worse, being called psychic.
This is who I am. I have searched a life time for answers as to how and why but I think my Dad explained it best. He told me years ago, “There are more things in the heavens and the earth that we will never understand. Just remember that every soul is made of pure love, of pure energy and there are some people in this world that a higher more wonderful love gives them the ability to share and see that energy. Never take it for granted and never, ever use it for evil or self gain. Always seek that love, share that love, and capture it in nature. If you follow those rules then you will never have to worry or fear your gift.” Thank you Dad for your wisdom, your love and encouragement there. Mom, you were an amazing and loving mother that taught me to be strong and fight for those in need. Thank you for all your guidance and love. Now even though I was taught to hide in the shadows and fear other people and their ideals, it is time to share my heart with the world. I know that I have the most incredible guardians but for them to do their jobs, I must learn to do mine, to softly, gently, and quietly show others that they are not alone, that they are loved and can love, and to help them understand that there is more to this old world that just what is on the surface. Blessings and love always.