Have you ever looked at a photograph and become so moved and so drawn into the picture that you forget your own troubles? I rarely look that deeply into my own work, I saw it when I took it, I experienced it when I was standing there, and often times I feel the same emotions when I look back at the picture. Not always. I remember looking up through the mesquite tree that morning, the haze and the early morning sun add just the most amazing things to the early hours. It was a cool morning, late in the summer but we would be headed to three digit temperatures soon. I let nature surround me and keep my soul centered.
This morning, in the wee hours long before dawn, I sat editing some old photos that I have not worked on. Letting the intricate details of editing take my mind and heart away from what was really torturing me slide into the darkness. I edited several pictures and saved them, I walked out onto the front porch and sat in the swing. It was nearly 3 a.m. and there was a cool breeze, the stars were abundant and I was at peace for the time being. Letting my worries out into the universe and being thankful for so many blessings in my life, I rose to retire to bed for the night. As I was standing there, it was like the universe answered. It is okay to get mad.
Sometimes, we have to get mad, get really mad for change to happen. It as if getting angry makes some things clearer and more intense. Yes, I am angry for so many reasons and being the good red-headed Irish girl, I want to lash out when I get that angry. My first reaction is usually to fight my way through it. I guess age and wisdom have taught me to hold my tongue and seek peace at all cost. Not this time, this time it is okay to get mad, it is okay to use that anger energy for good.
See, if there is one thing that I have long since learned about Brown County Texas, is that there are many (way too many) thieves here. At this point in my life there are very few things that make my blood boil, steal from me, mistreat my daughter, mistreat my friends and family, and myself. The past few days I have been reminded of just how much I can be angered by a thief. First thing that was stolen was Eli. Yes, in actuality someone got my goat. Then yesterday I found that I was also missing a riding lawn mower.
I am angry, I know there is no way of tracing either. Even if there was, the Brown County Law Enforcement isn’t going to do anything about either one of them. That makes me even more angry.
But to put this anger to good use, I have made it my resolve… 1 year. No more than a year. 1 year. I will come to the spot in my life that I want to be. I will come to the place in my life that I want to be. Anger can be a positive. But it has also put the fight back into my spirit. I put up new no trespass signs today. I will catch you. It isn’t a gun you need to be afraid of, because there are worse things than death. I will embarrass you beyond words and I will make your name worthless. After I fire that warning shot.
A new day begins……..
I looked at the picture this morning before posting it. I sat and stared long and hard into it’s depths. The moon is my goals, the mesquite branches my obstacles. The haze and the morning sun are my hope and my guiding light. I sat and wept softly, not out of anger or sadness, but out of release. I release the evil that is attacking, I release the anger, I release the resent, I release the hurt and pain, but most of all I release myself to be able to over come and conquer.