Pondering thoughts on a Sunday drive…..

I am the light that shines over all things. I am everything. From me all came forth, and to me all return. Split a piece of wood, and I am there. Lift a stone, and you will find me there.

…the Kingdom of God is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty, and it is you who are that poverty.     The Gospel of Thomas

This morning early, as the sun was barely beginning to be a color along the edge of the horizon, I set out to find a new road to take pictures on.  Driving through the quiet, sleeping town, I rolled the windows down on the truck and turned on the radio.  I was given directions yesterday to find this road, but still unsure of just where I was really headed I let the pick-up go where she wanted.  “Don’t take the second curve, but go straight down the two lane road that will after awhile turn into a dirt road.”  This was the instructions I had.  Going straight, stopping at the stop sign, then headed out into no man’s land the morning filled the truck with sounds of crickets, birds, and my tires as they rumbled along the pavement.  The fresh cool air a pleasant change from earlier in the summer.

I stopped at a well manicured pasture full of Charolais heifers and their nursing calves.  They are incredibly beautiful and majestic creatures.

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It was fun sitting there watching the mother’s interact with the calves, teaching them through play.  But the real surprise was when I pulled up by the tank to find a flock of wild turkey.  I got off several shots before they decided I was a threat and took off for the line of trees in the distance.

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I traveled on up the hill in front of me.  I got out of the truck at the top and looked back over the road that I had just traveled.  The sun was finally waking up and beginning to light the world.  I climbed up the embankment to get a better look at the land below.  Standing on a big rock, I decided that I would sit for awhile and let nature and the universe talk to my soul.  I sat with my camera by my side, listening to the wonderful world that surrounded me.  Watched as a few butterflies enjoyed the morning, listened to the crickets still singing their night songs, and the universe that we all belong to encompassed everything with it’s perfect love.

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As I set there watching the sun light the earth and everything in it, I knew I am never alone.  I am always accompanied by the love and energy of those that have gone before me, I am engulfed in the love of the heavens, and I am at peace with the soul within and the person that I look at every morning in the mirror.  I know that if I can take that light and love that engulfs my soul and share but a tiny speck of it with the world that someone, somewhere will smile.  The light of my soul will be shared and carried forward again.066

 

If you go back and think about the quote at the top of this page, “I am the light that shines over all things. I am everything. From me all came forth, and to me all return. Split a piece of wood, and I am there. Lift a stone, and you will find me there.

…the Kingdom of God is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty, and it is you who are that poverty,” take these words to heart.  If Heaven exists in you, around you, and through you, then don’t you want to make it the best of the best?  Don’t you want to make it the most awesome of places?  I do.  So in doing so, I seek love, kindness, and peace to share with others.

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Lady……

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One summer afternoon, just after we moved here, a man pulled in the driveway with a little black dog.  He asked if she was ours and we all shook our heads no.  Mom and Dad’s hired hand told the man that if he didn’t find her home, to bring her back.  The man pulled out of the driveway and headed on toward town.  I know he didn’t make it to the next house before he turned around and came back.  That was the start of our lives with Lady.

The dog with 9 lives… she had  just had puppies when we got her but the man said that there were no pups with her when he found her in the ditch.  Lady started out as the hired hand’s dog.  But Lady loved mother, you could always tell what room Mom was in because Lady was laying in the hallway in front of the door.  

She came up missing for two weeks one time and we thought that we had lost her.  The hired hand had decided that Kristen’s dog and Lady were a liability because they barked at him when he would sneak in and out at night to feed a bad drinking and drugging habit that he didn’t want mom to know about.  So he killed Kristen’s dog.  Lady missing, we figured that he killed her too.  But I walked up on the porch late one night after working late and there laid Lady.  She was worse for wear, missing a toe, but alive and well.  

We had her for four years when all of a sudden she came up pregnant, much to our surprise.  To the vet to be fixed and low and behold she did it again.  Back to the vet she went.  

This morning, the Creator of life and love, saw how much the old girl was suffering.  Though many times Kristen and I have teased each other that she was going to be out playing in the yard and just fall over…. she walked off the porch, yelped and passed into his waiting arms.  He created a beautiful morning for her, I went out and sat in the swing and played with her. loving on her and then I fed the dogs.  I picked up my camera and captured a most beautiful sunrise.  As I snapped my last photo this morning, she was gone.  

Rest in peace my beautiful Lady.   Your final resting spot under the pecan trees that you loved to climb, chase squirrels in and eat the pecans just seemed fitting.Image 

 

food for thought….

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.the Kingdom of God is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty, and it is you who are that poverty.  ‘Gospel of Thomas’

You have been told all your life….”Let your Light Shine”.   What is that light?  Is it your personality?  Is it showing what is really inside your heart?  Have you ever reached out to touch some one and actually felt their energy?  Have you taken care of a sick person and felt the energy around them?

Having read the Gospel of Thomas this week and opened up a whole new line of research into the ideals and thoughts that other people have given on the subject.  Thomas supposedly only wrote quotes of Jesus, questions that the disciples posed to Jesus and his responses.  These scrolls were found in Egypt in 1945, but it seems that the Catholic Church views the whole works as fiction.  

The Gospel of Thomas is only 114 verses, but packed within them are a wealth of knowledge.  From Jesus saying that fasting and praying are not to be done, that toiling and persecution are the only ways to be worthy of his love.  He says that he discloses his mysteries to those that are worthy of his mysteries.  To never let the right hand know what the left is doing.

Many things he says that contradict conventional christian teachings, but are instead used by a number of religions before christianity.  Such as seeking out nature and solitude for those that do are the ones that will find heaven.  

Just thought these were some things to chew the fat over….  give you some food for thought. 

Direction…..

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Which direction are you looking?  Where does your heart choose to wander?  We all have scars that are like a fresh burn.  We tend to be shy of things from our past that might burn us again but we have to choose where our heart goes.  Do we choose to run back to the people that have hurt us in the past or do we seek out better people in our lives…our own choices.

As the rain poured down on the truck today, I looked into the side view mirror and I knew deep in my very soul that doors were opening in the other direction.  So where are you looking?

Haze of the night….

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Sometimes when the world is dark, 

the haze falls thick upon the moon.

Covering your thoughts.

Engulfing your heart too.

Sometimes in the darkness,

the light seems dim.

The night things sing of doom.

The haze grasping slowly, engulfing every thought.

Tear drops become the dew that covers 

everything in sight.

Just when your prayers are pleading, hoping, begging…..

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 a change the light does bring.

It begins as a small sliver just along the edge.

And slowly as the day breaks, 

the wetness of the tears of night shine.

Shine bright in the morning sun,

watering the grass blades, softly one by one.

A soft breath escapes from between your lips,

a breeze upon the dawn.

Letting go of all the fears it seems 

making room for what will come.

The voices of the nighttime change gently 

on the dawn.  Now voices sing of hope and praise,

each added slowly in the dawn.

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As the sunlight creeps above the horizon and lands upon your feet,

a pathway appears beneath them.

In the early morning sun, life begins anew

and soon the footfalls that you hear will 

be the answer to your clouded midnight fears.

 

chocolate ice cream… stolen from a friend…..

CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM.

Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses.

One day I had lunch with some friends. Jim, a short, balding golfer type about 80 years old, came along with them—all in all, a pleasant bunch.

When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Jim who said, “Ice Cream, please. Two scoops, chocolate.

I wasn’t sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast. “Along with heated apple pie,” Jim added, completely unabashed.

We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time.. But when our orders were brought out, I didn’t enjoy mine.

I couldn’t take my eyes off Jim as his pie a-la-mode went down. The other guys couldn’t believe it. They ate their lunches silently and grinned.

The next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Jim. I lunched on white meat tuna. He ordered a parfait.  I smiled. He asked if he amused me.  I answered, “Yes, you do, but also you confuse me.  How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible? He laughed and said “I’m tasting all that is Possible. I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should. But life’s so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good.

This year I realized how old I was. (He grinned) I haven’t been this old before.” “So, before I die, I’ve got to try those things that for years I had ignored. I haven’t smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many trout streams I haven’t fished. There’s more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead.

There are too many golf courses I haven’t played. I’ve not laughed at all the jokes. I’ve missed a lot of sporting events and potato chips and cokes.  I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face. I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace.  I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want un-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most.  I haven’t cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain. I need to feel wind on my face. I want to be in love again.

So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner, then should I die before night fall, I’d say I died a winner, because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart’s desire. I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired..”

With that, I called the waitress over.. “I’ve changed my mind, ” I said. “I want what he is having, only add some more whipped cream!”
Live well, love much & laugh often – Be happy. 

Be mindful that happiness isn’t based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we like and respect. Remember that while money talks, CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM SINGS!

your purpose….

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Are you living your purpose?  How many times have I heard that throughout my life?  You are wasting your potential.  You will never amount to what your potential is.  Do these sound familiar?  It wasn’t that I did not strive to do the things I should be doing, the key word in that sentence is should.  I have always been doing the things I should, the things that were expected of me.  

I have been thoroughly amazed over the last 5 years at how many thoughts, how much growth one person can endure.  I think this weekend was the first time in over eight years that I actually did nothing but relax.  I know you aren’t going to fully understand that, but even to get out of the house before now was almost like a panic attack.  I was so anxious that I couldn’t even breath right.  I remember many times sitting in a restaurant with friends, some times having already ordered and sometimes I had not even ordered.  My phone would go off and I would pay for my food and drive home.  I have been in San Angelo, Ft. Worth, Lubbock and would literally drive home.  

See, the thing is when you are responsible for someone else it is like a mother the first few months after giving birth except that it doesn’t grow up.  It is a full time 24/7 feeling.  Imagine being a new mother for years at a time?  I have learned the tole that it takes on the physical body, on the mental ability.  I could be sitting in class at ASU and if one of them needed something I would leave class, leave school and drive the hundred miles home to fix the issue.  

I posted a post the other day about going to the lake and realizing just how much I was attached to the house still.  Since then, with much soul searching, much meditation I have come to realize that I was fulfilling my purpose.  I have search for years for a reason I was even born.  When Daddy passed from this world my purpose was over.  Well, my current purpose.  It left me feeling dazed and confused.  Not only did I need to grieve the loss of my father, but I came to a place in the road of life that left me standing still.

Standing in the middle of a four-way intersection….lost.  Hurting physically and mentally.  Drained both physically and emotionally.  So, I did what any good traveler would do, I wandered over to the side of the road and pitched a tent.  Sooner or later I could get the map read, I could find someone to show me where to go from here.  So, I finally slept enough, strengthened my body enough to begin moving around a little bit.  Went out and stretched my legs, watched the sunrise and took a dip in the lake.  Then late one night about a week ago, I sent a question out into the vastness of the universe.  You do know that the creator listens, that he hears everything in your heart but sometimes he really wants to hear your words.  

I don’t always like to ask questions for I know that I am going to have to be still in order to hear the answer.  The question?  “Where do I go from here?”  Plain and simple, I had come to the end of resting.  

My purpose up to this point in my life was a caregiver.  It was keeping promised that I had made and living with the consequences of those promises.  I was told long ago by my mother that I didn’t have to fulfill a promise I made to God, that she too had made the promise and it was her duty to see it through.  That God wasn’t going to hold me to such a big promise when I made it out of desperation without knowing what my own life held.  But even at the age of 18 I had dealt with broken promises, broken hearts, and fear.  I had no fear in keeping that promise.  I had no remorse in keeping it.  It was my purpose.  It was the hard work to get to the reward, it was the learning life lessons to move forward in life, and it was the best blessing I have ever had.

The new purpose….well I can tell you that it has to do with my writing, my photography, and my family.  It encompasses new adventures, new faces and old.  There are people that I need to wrap in my arms and tell them I love them, there are places that I need to set my eyes on again and for the first time.  There are friends that have stood beside me, waiting patiently (to infinity and beyond, BBH, always Bec) that I need to see physically and let them know that I am ready to take that next step.

So, am I living my purpose?  I would have to say yes and moving forward again.