fences

082

 

 

Ever walk the fence line during the early morning light and watch the sun play off the strands of barbed wire?  It makes them look as if they are glowing.  As I walked along searching for cuts and breaks, I let my mind clear and begin to wonder.  I let the quiet of the early morning sooth my soul and heart.

I stopped at the edge of a hill, watching the sun play on the dew filled grasses, dance along the fence and listened as a pair of dove sang softly in the distance to each other.  The wonderful things that nature can teach us if we only listen.  Doves mate for life.  Often times when a dove looses their mate they grieve themselves to death, but if they are lucky, they are “adopted” by another couple.   I searched for any sign of color this morning to signal the first signs of spring.  I caught a glimpse of a couple of robin, but still no sign of the scissortails.  The grass is beginning to turn green beneath the high growth of last years pasture grass but no signs yet of wildflowers.    Looking down the long fence line at how the sun lit up the six row strand, I realized that those strands often signify my life.

Strong and straight and full of purpose.  They stand together like friends and family, even though there are a few barbs that can irritate you at times.  To cross to the other side, it often takes a friend to lift up on the top strand and to stand firmly on the bottom, that way those barbs don’t dig into your skin.  We shine bright in the sunlit times of our lives, but it is honestly those dull, drab days that our strength is best seen.  Each post marking a milestone in our lives, the wire is wrapped tightly to them making a stronger fence, making us into the character and personality that we have become.  The creator rides the fence patching holes, putting up new pieces, and tightening the slack to make the fence even stronger.  Much like our creator does in our own lives.

025

 

 

As I near the corner post, I realize how much they are like the people that come into our lives to stay.  Braced for strength, by the simple love that they are given by the creator to be strong and help hold us up through the good and the bad.  The sun rises and sets with each passing day, the wind, the rain, the snow and all other weather and animals bless us, and age us.

Our simple purpose?  To protect the things we love the most.  The land, the people and animals, our homes.  A gate allows the outside world access, but it is truly us that allows them into our domain.

Advertisements

The dance floor of life.

38678_1364011736040_1104022809_30858395_2286552_n

 

 

 

Life is a dance, one step forward and two steps back.  Sometimes though, it as if the dance floor of life is hit by a meteor shower and just as you are dancing across it there appears a huge hole.  Dancing two steps back, you stop.  Dead stop.  Waiting and gaping at the huge hole in the dance floor.  The people around you keeping rhythm with their own song of life and still dancing forward never seem to notice that you are stuck.  For awhile, even you don’t know that you have come to a stop.

Then, slowly you begin to realize that you have stopped and that the huge hole will always be a part of your life, that it will not stop you and all you have to do is find a way around it.

I spent Tuesday in bed sick.  Throwing up with a massive headache.  My body rebelling.  I had spent the weekend with my daughter and her husband.  Kristen and I talked about so many things, we pondered many things, and we just existed for awhile saying nothing out loud.  It seems that all I have wanted to do since is sleep.  It is a deep, restful sleep that I feel like my body is craving.  But at the same time, there is much mental work going on too.  I have always done this just about the time that I don’t think I can take any more, but the guardians of my soul seem to be able to communicate with me better when I am sleeping.

The past two days I have put to rest fears, desires, hopes, dreams and worries.  Giving them to the greater power and knowing that my true heart song is heard on high.  It has been the time of realization that I have been standing perfectly still, unable to take a step forward and refusing to take steps backward.  Wondering why my body and mind have been on the rebel mode and trying to make decisions without seeking guidance.

pizap.com13520425246822

 

 

So, even though I am still in processing mode, I can begin to feel the music of my soul again.  I can begin to dance again.  Life does go on even when there are hole in the dance floor.  Talking to Kristen and Trey, actually listening to what John has witnessed over the past few months, it wasn’t as if no one noticed, it was that I was too busy staring at the gaping hole to notice that they were seeing me stop too.  Now it is time to make some major decisions that effect all of us in some way.  Time to stand up and lace up my work boots, get my body back to cooperating, and take a step forward.  To begin the dance around that hole, that detour in the dance floor of life.  I honestly don’t really know how I am going to get to the other side right now, but I do know that the higher guardians will lead me in the right direction.

Seven gifts

009

 

The Gift’s of the Seven Grandfathers

1. Respect– Respect your fellow humans and all creatures that roam the earth.

2. Love– It is my turn, I have love myself before I can love anyone different.

3. Truth– You have to look at yourself before you judge another’s way of walking. Be true in everything that you do. Be true to yourself and to your people, always speak the truth.

4. Bravery– Hold firm in your thoughts and stand strong even when you don’t know what will happen. The courage to do even in the most difficult of times.

5. Wisdom– Wisdom allows me to speak well and take well that which others speak.

6. Generosity– You have the ability to give things away and distribute what you have to others.

7. Humility– humble yourself to your fellow human in the way you walk beside them. Knowing that you are equal to…not better or lesser to anyone.

 

When you learn to live by these seven gifts, to the best of your ability, life is a much happier place.  Learn to love others without question, without judgement.  Learn to respect their beliefs and their wisdom, to accept the road that they have been given to learn the lessons that they must.  Learn to give without regret, from the heart, and without pride.  Learn to seek wisdom.  Each and every person on the planet, every plant and animal offers wisdom to the person open to receive it.  To be brave in the face of the unknown.  Everyday is unknown and I know very few people that refuse to open their eyes in the morning, they may refuse to get out of bed but they at least take that first breath in the morning.  Be humble, equality.  Not above any other and not below them either.  Wake each morning with these seven gifts and share them equally.

Good night moon.

I never know where to start, how to start.  I am so busy helping others with their problems that I don’t often share my own.  Sitting at the computer tonight, I so wanted to just talk.  Talk until I was all talked out, all cried out, to the point that I didn’t feel any more.  

But who do I talk to?  Who do I share with?  I started a conversation with a couple of people, even my daughter but listening was easier than sharing.  Other people don’t seem to have a bit of trouble telling me what is in their hearts, their minds but when it comes down to it, I hesitate.  Why would they want to hear what I feel?  Why would I want to burden their lives with my own burdens?  Where do I begin to even start to talk about things?  

So with a heart and mind full to the brim, I turn in and try to sleep.  Good night moon.Image

angel kisses…

ImageA tear escapes my eyes tonight running down my cheek

the heart inside my chest it seems is missing a beat.

There is nothing left to say to you

I told you all my life

I love you Daddy, thank you for my life.

Looking back through history

the things you did and said

the moments in the darkness when

your hand found mine.

You whispered softly in my hair

Angel it is fine.

Now my rock upon this earth has grown wings and flown away

I hope to meet him once again on a summers day.

For God has another Angel but I am so alone.

Not knowing where to make my path

not having you around

makes the world much less complete

and your voice makes not a sound.

My rock has grown its wings and spread them to the sky

being now in memories that often make me cry.

The last thing that you told me before you flew away,

It’s okay my precious angel we will meet again someday.

Today would have been my father’s 78th birthday, my heart aches for the emptiness but I am celebrating the birth of an angel.  If I had one thing that I could say, very simply, softly, and with all of my heart… “I Love You Daddy.”

A candle in the dark

Have you ever looked back at your graduation and what things that you thought about when everyone told you to go out and make your mark on the world?  At 18, most think about making their mark and succeeding in a financial sense.  Do we ever really make that mark?  Is there such a thing as making a mark on the world in that way?

I was sitting here tonight working on a piece of writing and I wondered, if I left the world tonight, what kind of mark have I left?  Have I touched someone’s life in such a way that it has left any kind of mark?  I thought about the people in my life, the loves I have had, the friends that I have made and even the enemies and I wondered what kind of mark if any have I left.

I know that there are people that have left this world and they made incredible marks on my heart.  Will I or do I or can I say the same thing?  Did I love them enough, tell them often enough that I do, did I care enough, live enough, hope enough?  Are there people that I need to tell “I love you”?  Is there someone that a week after I am gone will miss and still love me?  

It is funny how that perspective changes with time.  How “Making your mark” becomes more about your heart than your ambitions.  I wake each and every morning and plant a smile upon my face, the day may actually fall apart around me, I may cry for the loss of a friend or loved one, I may have stress at work, but I smile.  For each and everyday that I awake gives me another chance to make the right marks on this old world.  It gives me a chance to learn something I didn’t already know, to help teach someone else something they didn’t know, and to tell someone that they are important to me just by being.  

Have I made a mark on anyone and whether I did or not is it important?  Life is full of all kinds of things that make bad marks, can I be for just a small moment a candle in that darkness?

Touch lightly….

In our little town, and even the surrounding little towns, the economy is rough.  There are not many jobs to be had here for there are not many people here.  Our whole county is comprised of less than 40,000.  Most of these people scrape by raising cattle, sheep, goats and the such.  There is not sufficient water or soil here to raise a garden and even if you could get it to grow in what dirt we have by mid summer the heat and humidity kills it.  

I went to work at the dollar store after dad passed away to help meet some over-whelming bills that I had no clue how I was going to conquer.  It was a job.  I did not realize just how much of a joy the people of this little town could be.  How much each person that comes through the door everyday was going to touch my life and in some strange way help me to heal.

Each day I put into my jeans pocket the following items:  box cutter, billfold, a piece of amethyst, a piece of hematite, a piece of turquoise, a small blue glass stone, a hand full of coins, and a handful of hard candies.  Strange combination you might say.  I don’t have a medicine bag for my stones at the moment so they rattle around in my pocket.  The amethyst is for healing and to protect against witchcraft, the hematite is used to increase intuition and improves relationships, turquoise is used to promote prosperity, the blue glass stone was given to me by a woman dressed as a fairy when we went to Renfest, she told me as long as I kept it on me I would be granted fairy wishes.  But in actuality, blue stones calm the mind, soothe the soul, and inspire hope all of which I would think a fairy would bestow upon you.  I put coins in my pocket for I have learned that there are people that could use a coin or two.  For example, the other day an elderly woman was in the store and I know that she lives on a very fixed income.  She brought to the counter a small box of laundry soap, a box of crackers, and a can of soup.  These were not frivolous things, but items that she needed.  As I rang up the purchase, I watched as she squirmed with the mounting of the total.  When I was done she took out a zip lock bag of coins.  She carefully counted all that she had.  Though the purchase wasn’t even five dollars, she came up short.  She was trying to decide which of the things that she could live without.  I reached into my pocket pulled out four  quarters and laid them on the counter, rang her out and gave her the change.  She thanked me and tried to give me back the few cents worth of change.  I told her no, that paying it forward was better.  She came around the counter and hugged my neck. (btw, paid in full with hug.)  But I see this more and more with the elderly in our community.  I never stop to think that these little things are noticed by anyone.  I think of them as personal between the person, myself, and the creator.  

The other night sitting in the cafe in Santa Anna, I was amazed when the waitress came over and hugged my neck.  I had asked her where the ashtray was for John.  I told her I knew that she was busy and that I didn’t mind getting up and getting it myself.  (yes, you can still smoke in cafe’s down here, and yes everyone just kind of helps each other out that way.)  She got John the ashtray and said that it didn’t matter how busy she was that she had see how well I take care of my customers at the dollar store and the least she could do was to try to take care of me while I was there in the same manner.  Yes, I was shocked.

The hard candy is something that Daddy taught me.  It works for the little lady that is coughing, it works for children that are awesome, and it works for the occasional customer that just needs that little something special.  

So, in all of this I am still trying to pay this mountain down.  Still not having a clue how everything is going to work out.  Out of the blue a few weeks ago, a check arrives in the mailbox.  Years ago, some of the other oil royalty customers sued the oil company over their payment of natural gas, that was in 1997.  Since then we have never gotten another check for the production of natural gas.  The original company was made to sell the natural gas production to another company.  The check in the mail was for the back production of the natural gas, just enough to pay off the mountain.  Think the creator doesn’t notice things?  That he doesn’t provide the things you need?

Putting out into the universe the following things will let you receive them in return.  Unconditional love.  Hope.  Peace.  Goodwill.  Faith.  

Life isn’t perfect yet, but with each step, with each beautiful day, with the love and kindness of others, it is quite blessed.

Know that everyday in someway you touch someones heart, so touch lightly for you know not the impact. A handshake, a hug, a kind word, a smile may be all it takes to make or break a person. Choose your actions wisely.