Learning about real love……

There are so many things that we as humans need to learn.  We are all one spirit, one heart, one love, one entity.  With that in mind, religions mean nothing.  They are generally man created, they are politically created, and set their own agendas.  It doesn’t matter if you call upon God, Buddha, Jehovah, Zeus, Father of the Earth, or Joe.  Reading the Bible, the Qur’an, the Tripitaka, The Walam Olum, or what other sacred texts you might find, they all have many teachings that are the same.  Basic, fundamental ideals that are to lead man to a higher, more loving place.  Each one set into words a simple guide to living life right.  Even though the Pagan’s have no such book their basis is living and interacting and learning from nature.  The definition of the word Pagan is “Country Dweller”.  They write their own book of Shadows which is an ongoing, living belief system.  As I said before there are many things in all “religions” that are true basic beliefs.

 

1.  Be Kind to yourself.

Pretty basic, or is it?  What does it mean to be kind to yourself?  Does it mean making yourself happy above all others?  Does it mean that you step on others to better yourself?  No, I don’t think it means that at all.  We all have a past, a present, and a future.  The past has helped to create who we are and how we precieve things, how we react to things and how we see ourselves.  It is the present that matters, because it is up to YOU to decide at this very moment what you let effect this very moment in your life.  It is the decisions you make when you wake in the morning as to whether or not you are going to be happy in the here and now.  We all make mistakes, to learn from, to grow from and to move on.  They are not meant to be carried as badges of some kind, scars that marr the beauty of your soul.  But infact they are scars of beauty to show that we have learned things in life.  Shared as teaching tools not bragged about as if we were the only ones to ever get a scar.  They are not to become skeletons in our closet, for use to try to hide.  Trust me the only people that we are hiding those skeletons from are ourselves.  They wrap their hard, cold, boney fingers around our heart.  Letting them out, leaving them in the past and learning from them, teaching from them will make your present a happier place.  Be kind to you, do not beat yourself up over mistakes that you have made, embrace them, teach from them, and above all bring into your future only things that make you stronger, happier, more loving.  Forgive yourself and allow yourself to grow, to love, and to feel.   Take time to rest and relax and meditate every day.

2.  Be kind to others.

We all know people that are nice for the most part.  Are they really kind to others or is it done just because that is how they are “supposed to act”?  You must remember that you are a mirror.  When you look into the eyes and soul of someone, you know how to react.  Stop for just a moment and think before you do, make your own mirror that which you want others to be.  Our paths are our own.  We walk them alone.  Our own faith, hope, fears, and ambitions help guide us.  It is the people you choose to help decorate it that matter.  Showing love and compassion to every individual that crosses that path mirrors our own.  Which leads to number three in a hurry.  Forgive the short comings of others, allow them to be their own individuals.  Love them for who they are and accept them at face value.

3.  It is not for you to judge.

I see so many people that judge others based on anything from hairstyle and clothing to religion and sexuality.  I think that for many, it is easier to judge than to look in the mirror and find our own faults.  One of my favorite sayings is, ” Know that everyday in someway you touch someones heart, so touch lightly for you know not the impact. A handshake, a hug, a kind word, a smile maybe all it takes to make or break a person. Choose your actions wisely. ”  Too many times I have seen the down trodden stepped on yet again.  Remember it could just as easily be you that is being judged.  Take a moment, give each person a smile from your heart, shake their hand and listen to what they have to say.  You could very easily find yourself learning from them, being loved by them, and helping them in the process.  Helping others, witnessing to others isn’t about judging them, it isn’t about right or wrong it is about loving them for who and what they are.  It is about opening your heart, your arms, and your own story to help them see what love is.  Remember a good parent doesn’t beat love and respect into a child, they teach them by showing it to them.  Same goes with a perfect stranger.  Simple and true respect.

 

4.  Love nature.

That doesn’t mean that you have to love being out in the wilderness being eaten up by bugs and bitten by a snake.  But respect and nurture it.  I was always taught that you didn’t harvest the first crop off a fruit tree.  Why?  Usually the first crop is small, let drop to the ground around the tree and absorbed by the earth nurishes the tree.  The birds and other animals that eat the fruits also benefit from this.  The seeds are eaten and deposited elsewhere to create more trees.  I was also taught that when planting things like squash you plant one seed for every family member, one for the animals and insects, and one for nature.  If I cut down a tree for fire wood, I plant a fruit tree to replace it.  Simple things to help keep nature alive and well.  Have you ever come across a dead tree that is standing in nature?  The bugs, the birds, the vines all scavenging off of it?  Nature reclaims itself but it is up to us, the ones that live side by side to help do our part and not greedily destroy it.  Nature has so much more to offer than just being.  It’s beauty calms the soul, its ravages reclaim, it’s bounty feeds, nourishes, and heals us.  Listen to the animals, hear their chatter.  Seek their love and beauty.

These are but a few things that we need to learn.  If you look at each and every one of them they all come down to one thing…. LOVE.  Learn to give it from the heart and you will recieve so much in return.

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My treasured find…..

Rebecca Champion Fall of ’97

Road of Life

 Walking down the road of life

with all it’s turns and twists,

I wonder now which road to take

to lead me on my way.

I amble down the one of dirt,

though the paved is the easy way,

the dirt suits me and what I believe,

Hard work is what I crave.

The simple life with all its frills,

has a time and place to be,

But my destiny never seems to find

that easy path or street.

So, down the dirt and on my way,

Oh, the people I do meet,

Hard working, simple people that

Make my Road complete.

I found this in my mom and dad’s cedar chest the other day.  I had given it to daddy for some gift giving holiday.  I took the picture in the fall of the year, not far from where we lived.  It is the dirt road that is just East of the Co-op Gin in Slaton.  I was going to Texas Tech at the time and was taking my first photography class.  It was on black and white photography.  I loved that class, I love to play in the dark room and the professor was awesome!  We spent many hours sitting in the court yard outside the communications building talking about photography, life, loves, and anything else that came to mind.  This is a photo of a photo taken with my phone so it has lost something.   I am amazed that my dreams now are not much different than my dreams then.  My writing has improved, thank goodness!!  I haven’t written poetry in years.  I have gone to all digital, but I do sometimes miss the darkroom and that whole experience!!     So, maybe it is time to follow my own passions, my own dreams and see where they go…..

orbs in my photos

In the world of photography, there is a phenomenon that happens that drives a photographer nuts….. orbs.  You can clean your lens, you can refocus, you can crop the picture if possible to try to rid the photo of these pesky little things.  Generally, cropping is your only source to rid a pic of them.  In the spirituality world, these orbs are often seen as spirits, as guardian angels, and not all of them are colored.  Many people only see them as white smokey balls that show up in pictures, some take on a more human form.  In my pictures, I guess since I see peoples colors, my orbs often are colored too.

The blue one above has just recently begun to show up in my photos.  The smaller red one has been around for awhile.  Baby blue with a little bit of green in the aura scheme of things means:  represents hope & faith. Harmony, peace & tranquillity, forgiveness, fidelity, honesty, patience and devotion; Creates balance of energy. Heals the heart. Helps us overcome a fear of giving, & sharing. Assists adaptability. Promotes reconciliation, harmony, & balance. Peaceful thoughts. Renewal. A symbol of fertility & growth. Represents abundance, vitality, nature, success, good luck, & beauty. The most restful colour for the human eye.  Empathy, sympathy, or weakness.   The redish looking one means:  High Energy.  Represents the practical. A down to earth approach. Animal magic, Symbol of home, friendship, grounding. Opens energy channels. Eliminates indecisiveness; improves powers of concentration.  If the idea of orbs being spirits, then I know exactly who these two are.  The blue one is Dad and the red one is Mom.

Even though I clean my lenses often, in fact I had cleaned it just before I started taking this series of photos of the sun, the orbs still appear.  I have learned through my own experiences that often times when you are lifting someone up in prayer or loving from the heart and sending them healing energy that they can often times experience an orb in their presents.  Like a little piece of your soul, your own personal energy finds its way to them.  My daughter has often seen an orb with her at times when I am extremely worried or happy for her, it, as she describes it looks like an orange dreamcicle.  She said mom, I know why everyone thinks your favorite color is orange.  It is what radiates from you.   In the aura study, orange and pearl white’s meaning is this:  Represents empathy & harmony. Gentle Strength, Protection, Confidence, & Communication. Secret desires. Heightens attraction and the color of spiritual mediums.

Whether they be spirits, or angels, or just freak things in photography, they are pretty cool!!

Motion….

I have never been still a day in my life, there has always been too much to see, too much to do, and so much to create!  Mother always said that even as a baby, there was always something moving even when I was asleep, a finger, a toe or something.  There is always someone to care for, someone to do for and all of a sudden I am blank.  I can’t seem to write, photography seems to miss the meaning, gardening has lost it’s spark even.  One of the things that Daddy and I talked about the night he passed was he told me, “Baby girl you have done all your chores.  It is time for you now.”  What does that even mean?  I seem to be sleeping about 2-4 hours every 24, but that ambition seems to have faded.  People are talking all around me but I have no interest in what they say or do.  They want to know what my plans are but keep telling me to just be still and it will reveal itself.

Last night as I laid in the darkness, talking to the Creator, I asked for guidance.  Show me please where to go and what to do.  I know that he has a plan, he has a path, he will find me a way.  I know that I need to take a moment to heal, to find my own footing but it sure is much easier to do when I am in motion…….

As I pause on bended knee to lift you up in prayer, I surround you each with gentle love, hope and friendship.  Father I bring each of these prayers to you, placing all faith in you.  To touch, heal, and lead each person affected here with your loving arms wrapped around them.  Father, bless each person with the knowledge of your incredible love.  Amen.

A day…….

I sat quietly under a majestic willow, watching as the fish swam near the waters edge.  As the multitude of people searched that park for what I already had in my heart.  Peace.  As they laughed, they cheered, they talked aloud, I watched as they crossed the bridge but found not.  The soft sound of the birds, the gentle lapping of the water, the occasional splash from the fish, the breeze talking in the branches and leaves of the trees, my heart expanded and grew.  Wondering what thoughts rushed through their minds, what they sought in the beauty that surrounded them.  Did they seek peace, did the long for the touch of love, did they seek solitude?  How often did they let the majestic grace of such beauty touch their needs, their wants, their desires?

Sitting on the wooden step, letting the  sunshine warm my soul.  The stoic monkeys sitting guard.  An elderly man sat on the bottom step to rest and enjoy the quiet moment.  He looked up and winked as he patted the step beside him.  I left my perch to join him there.  Quietly we sat, the only conversation was that of two souls.   Two hearts talking in silence as we watched a squirrel scampering in the tree across the way.  He rose slowly, took my hand and kissed my cheek then he meandered on his own path.  Touching my heart softly as he went.  A soft hand that took mine in his own, a love of two people that had never met, and would never lay eyes on the other again.  But in the small amount of time both had touched the other.  Shared a smile, a quiet moment of peaceful bliss in the midst of a city vast with others but for a fleeting moment there were just two kindred souls.

 

As I stood upon the path, the waterfall gently singing it’s song of life.  I longed to perch upon its stones and dip my feet into its running water.  Letting the cool water wash across my bare feet, much like the rain washes my very soul.  The song it sang gently cleansing my heart of the hurt, the longing, the sadness of the world.  The sunsparkles lighting my path, letting the candle of my heart match their own brightness.  The ripple of the pool below radiating toward the waters edge like the love in my heart radiating outward, touching everything in its path.  The coolness refreshing and replenishing the life that runs through my body, letting my gentle soul rest softly among all of nature.

 

The water and all its splendor, the plants and trees so full of life, the animals both big and small, every grain of sand, every footfall on the paths and bridges, the people, and all the glory of nature keeps me spell bound.  Takes my breath and ignites the passions of my heart.  As I leave this beautiful place, I long to return.  I long to explore more deeply that love that lingers in such a place.  To write stories of the people that seek its tranquility, that seek their own hearts and souls there, I long to put on the pages of life the stories that bubble there in the depths of its pools.  To loose myself in those same pools and let the world stand still for a day, letting the Creator of all this wonder heal and replenish me………..

 

Healing…done my way

Early on Tuesday morning, when I heard the death rattle come, I knew that we had taken a turn for the worse.  I knew in my heart that we didn’t have long.  I drove to the house and picked up Kristen and drove back to the hospital as quick as I could.  Letting those that loved him the most spend some time with him.  Somewhere in the time that I first knew that we were loosing the battle and the quietness of the night when it was just he and I, a physical change happened.

Some moment I went into what my lovely daughter calls my “prickly pear” mode.  As I watched him interact with his daughters, his son his granddaughter, her friends that loved him as much, the nurses, doctor, respiratory staff, and anyone else that happened into the room, the love and kindness that he showed each and everyone of them touched my heart.  I could not shut down that love that we mirrored in each other.  He looked at me at one point when it was just he and I and said, ” I don’t know, I don’t know if we are going to win this one Sugar.”  I told him I knew and that it was going to be okay either way.  He took my hand and held it telling me how much he loved me.

The prickly pear, it is a hard thing for me to describe.  Up until this point in my life, in order for me to do this kind of shut down I have had to shut down EVERYONE.  But I never did him.  I came to realize over the few hours from midnight until 5:30 that we had been talking all along for some months.  For many months I had a dream, I heard his voice and then there was a knocking at the door.  All so real it would wake me from a deep sleep and I would go check on him and answer the front door.    I walked in the hospital room one afternoon and he asked how I slept.  I told him I had the dream again.  Quickly, he explained to my sister that I was just having nightmares again.  But both of us knew by this time that it was our communicating on the spiritual level, not a dream.    As I laid upon the cot beside his bed, I took his hand.  I never let it go until the nurses ushered me out of the room because I was trying to help clean up the body.  I brushed his hair and began to change the linens and help wash his body.  I don’t think they understood that at that point I was no longer daughter but caregiver.  They were all hurting too for they had also come to love this gentle blue-eyed man that made them laugh.

The nurses aid that we had that night caught me on the way to the elevator.  He hugged me tight and told me that he had to share something with me before I got away.  “Thank you.  Thank you so much for blessing each and every staff member on the floor tonight.   We have each one stuck our head quietly in the door in turn.  Checking on you.  Each time, we were blessed at the sight of a loving, caring daughter sleeping next to a loving, caring man both never letting go of the others hand.  Each time, you were both talking softly.  I knew that you were both sleeping as I felt I was intruding in a private conversation.  But as we listened to the two of you we knew that this was an ongoing conversation.  One that spoke of great love, great pride, great compassion between the two of you.  There was a genuine love and loss there.  We have each in turn called our loved ones, told them of our own love for them.  We have all cried at different times in the night for those that we have lost.  We have talked at length of patients that have blessed our lives and not one of us has ever seen anything that blessed our lived more than this night.”  He hugged me tight with tears in his eyes.

From the time that I left the hospital until last night, not a tear have I shed.  Not loss have I felt.  I have put my own feelings on hold to take care of everyone else.  I am in sensory overload.  The mental, the emotional have transformed into the physical.  A simple hug takes on a painful aspect.  I have to really prepare for someone to touch me.  It is not that I don’t still love hugs, they just hurt too bad. I find myself comforting even strangers.  I went in Allsups that Friday and Carol, the clerk, told me I didn’t seem my jovial self.  I explained to her that I was sorry but that I had lost my father on Wednesday.  Twenty minutes later after comforting her in the loss of her own father, letting her express her own fears, her own hurts, her own passions of death, she curled into my arms sobbing.  This has been with most people that I have encountered.  What is it about me that opens other peoples hearts and allows them to heal?

As for my own healing?  It comes in the night usually.  It comes at the end of a day that I have exerted so much energy that I fall into bed physically drained, physically hurting from hard labor.  As I laid there crying myself to sleep a wash of thoughts took over and it wasn’t just my own pain that I cried for but for every person that I had come in contact with over the last week or so.  Letting us all heal and giving each tear a name.  My family is patient, for they know that I have to do this in my own way.  They call frequently, asking “Are you okay yet?”  I don’t know how to explain how I take in all the pain.  I don’t know why I take in all the pain.  I don’t know why it is so tied to the physical.  It just is.

So please be patient.  Please know that in some time as I exchanged the hurt and pain for that of love and friendship I will heal.  I will get better and I will move forward.  I will have moved mountains physically and begun to move forward.  I, for the first time in my life have no chores really.  I know that I still have John to take care of and I will but now I am seeking peace within my own heart, peace in where and what my next adventure is to be.  There is an incredible peace in my heart and soul.  Even though I feel lost and do not really know which way I am supposed to go, I know that I will end up where I am supposed to doing what I am supposed to.  I know that my own spirituality has grown ten-fold in the last month and that my faith is stronger than it has ever been.  That is saying something for my faith is strong.