brain work

For years I have wondered why I don’t talk.  Why people tell me that I don’t tell them things that I swore I did.  I had taken John into town to the store the other day and we were driving home discussing what all we had forgotten at the store.  John says, ” I really need some black pepper to fill my shaker but I forgot to tell you while you were at Kroger’s.”  I told him that I had gotten his soda’s in the store but that I had forgotten to get Daddy’s.  We drove a little further and I finally said, ” I will get you some of those dollar Pepsi at the dollar store.”  He laughed and said, “huh?”  I said, ” well if we are going to stop at the dollar store for the things we forgot in town they still have those on sale.”  He looks at me and is laughing his butt off.  He said, ”  You know the older you get the more you forget that just because you can hear every thought that everyone else has does not mean that the rest of us can hear yours.”  This one statement lights a fire in me.  I don’t hear every thought from every person!!!    He laughs at me.  He says, ” You know most people have to know someone or touch someone to have a connection with them.  You never have had to have any contact at all to pick them up on that radar of yours.  Even when you were a little kid, you did this.  You were such a quiet child, you didn’t talk much but you seemed wiser way beyond your years.  You seemed to be a human sponge with everything and everyone that you came in contact with.  I knew long before we ever married that you were something of an anomaly.  I knew that Texas Tech was going to drive you nuts by the size of the classes, that you would have a hard time concentrating on a professor when there were 500 other students whispering in your ear.  I knew when you spent two weeks in bed with a migraine that you were in way over your head.”

Wow this hit me really hard.  Anomaly…oh whatever!!  Honestly, it is a pain in the arse!!  So I have spent the last couple of days doing some in depth research, some re-evaluating, and some definite soul searching.  I have to return to school on the 17th, it isn’t really a choice but a must.  It drives me nuts….so how to overcome the hurdle.

Then I was talking to someone and they told me that I expect too much when it comes to relationships.  I don’t expect anything.  If you call and want to talk do it.  If you want to share with me..share.  If you want to spend time with me..then do it.  I have only one expectation in any kind of relationship…be honest with me.  I am not demanding, I am not jealous.  Life happens and you deal with it everyday as it comes.  “No, it isn’t anything you say or do that makes people think you have expectations of them.”  Then how in the hell do I put expectations on anything???? 

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