Dreams!! Sometimes they are so vivid!! I am thinking that if I write this one down I can figure out what triggered it.
I started out in a waiting room at a hospital, in one corner were people that I know in real life. Denise, Debbie, Lillie, Christi, Deidra, Carrie, and Connie. Next to them were people that I know only online; Karen, Bobbie, and Teresa. I talked to each of them and they were all incredibly worried about why I was there. Trey showed up in the pick-up but he kept the keys to get into the apartment because Kristen was at work. I got there by riding with Daddy in a car that we have not had for many years. Daddy wouldn’t get out of the car. It was like the parking lot and the waiting room were open air though. They ran together giving me access to both at once. There was a set of double swinging doors at one end of the building. I was standing kind of between the people I know and daddy when they opened. My mother came through them. She had been in surgery for her gall bladder. But when she entered the room thought walking slowly, she was dressed in a cream colored dress that was sleeveless but it had an orange color on it, she had her hair cut short and it looked really cute!! She took my hand and we walked to another set of double doors and talked all the way. She said she was feeling much better and should be going home as soon as she went to take care of some business up stairs. We entered the double doors and there were all these stair cases. We were sitting at a small white cubical talking to a woman. Mom told me to go check on daddy and tell him that she would be there in a little while. So I wondered out of this big office full of cubicals. People on gurneys were being wheeled by. One of the nurses pushing a gurney turned to another nurse and told her that her patient was the one in a massive car wreck. You knew that the patient was dead by the look on her face. I meandered down the stair cases and finally got to the car. As I did daddy started the car and he and mother drove off. I realized that I didn’t have a ride. That I didn’t have the keys to the pick up, and I couldn’t find my cell phone because Trey had it too. All the people that were there earlier were gone and the waiting room was empty. I searched for a pay phone but there were no phones anywhere. I awoke crying.
Can anyone give me some insight to what I was thinking? I woke with a broken heart.
I miss you today
not unlike any other
but today it breaks my heart right in two.
I long for the day
that I stand by your side
and tell you all I have hidden inside.
I sit here alone
and your memory comes round
making me miss you even more.
But I close my eyes
and you are right there
smiling and laughing again.
I reach down deep
and I take a long breath
knowing you live in my heart.
As the sun sets on another day I hope the night wraps you in love and peacefulness. When you drift off to sleep, rest assured there is someone that keeps you in their heart always. Your smile has brightened a life and cheered a soul. Sweet dreams!
With Thanksgiving arriving this week, take a moment to think about the quote below. Now remember your friends and family and let them know that you think of them in your busy life and that they mean the world to you. So many at this time of year are missing loved ones whether blood or friend and it may be the sound of your voice, the sight of a message or just a gentle smile that makes all the difference in the world………..
“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us,we often find that it is those who instead of giving advice,solutions,or cures,have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair,or confusion,who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement,who can tolerate not knowing,not curing,not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness,that is a friend who cares.” -Henri Nouwen
I think I really don’t like playing in life. I really think that I am going back to just working hard and working on me. I start back to school in January, and I think between now and then I am just going to step back and listen.
I think it is time to clean out the friends list on facebook, spend lots less time on there and go back to doing what I do best. Support. It is time for new photo opportunities, new things to be written, and business to tend to. I am realizing that it is not yet my time to shine but to build and to listen. Life is a wonderful thing, an adventure, and I take it that way everyday. I smile often, I laugh alot, and I seek the beauty in everyone and everything. No, my life is not perfect by a long shot. I have responsibilities that I didn’t ask for but that I accept with love and kindness. On occasion I do have to run away to have a little sanity. And that I am learning to do without guilt.
I have let some wonderful people into my life this year, I have had some incredible adventures but I have also let in some that are not quite all they seem, or all they say they are. I have very little experience with relationships, with friendships, or with the world outside my own little bubble. I don’t often understand people for I tend to believe what I am told. It always seems that when I start trusting again it is only to be smacked in the face with it. Mainly because I am not going to tell you a lie. I tend to watch the actions of people and I can be incredibly hurt by someones actions or their lack of action.
So, from here until school starts if I am not on facebook much, know that you are incredible people, that you are loved without any questions and without any expectations. You are always in my prayers and always, always in my heart.
I have decided that my next job is gonna be mail fraud.
For sale on Craigs List…one antique safe….1000.00.
Email reply…. I want to buy your safe will pay for shipping to my location. I am sending you a USPS money order for the safe.
US Mail…received… 2 usps money orders each for 950.00.
Instructions for over payment…send over payment to my financial advisor that lives in CA. No, mail over payment to Cairo, Egypt.
Seeing this as a SCAM early on, notified….FBI Cyber Fraud Department
The USPS Mail Fraud department….and the county sheriff’s department.
I have the checks, I have the emails, the email codes, and all other documentation.
Result… 1) check back with our website. 2) we will send you a complaint form and 3) i can file a complaint if you like but honestly we just don’t have the funds for that kind of investigation.
In other words since I was smart enough to NOT cash a phony money order ….OH WELL.
I don’t want to be your need
I don’t want to be your daily thought
your reason to smile
I don’t want to be your excitement,
or your right hand.
I want to be the one that you enjoy,
that you want to spend time with
that you seek in the storm.
I want to hold your hand
to give you a calm voice
to be your friend.
I want to stand beside you
to encourage and guide you
to help and protect you.
To help you along your path in life,
to give you a little spice
two arms to run to.
To take away any doubt you have
to help you through your pain
to give you a shoulder to cry upon.
And that smile that lights up your rain.