As life has proven yet again the ups and downs are for learning. I don’t know what I am supposed to be learning right now but it sure seems to be hitting me from all sides. From financial, spiritual, and romance to just the day to day dealings with life. I put it in the hands of God, but sometimes that doesn’t make the mind and heart be still.
I know that it will all work out the way it is supposed to but it doesn’t help my anger at some of the people in my life. It doesn’t help the confusion as to why people have to be the way they are or do the things they do. I would never intentionally hurt someone, I would never intentionally put more stress into someone else’s life, I would never make life more difficult for someone else. Why would you do that to someone you are supposed to love? Love is a gentle, sweet, and compassionate thing, it wraps you in a feeling of euphoria it lifts your spirit and takes your heart and soul to a level that is so amazing. I am not talking romance, but the love….. of family, of friends, of people in general.
How people can be so self serving, self centered, and miserable is beyond my comprehension. Yes, there are things I need, there are things I want to accomplish, there are things that I strive for but not at the expense of people I love.
For example, I don’t like being told, ” I don’t see why I should help with dad, you are the one that is going to inherit everything anyway.” Really? No, that isn’t what the will says, but you know what? I do have a trump card if you want to play that game. I am perfectly willing to share what I have with you but if you are going to put a price tag on love I can trump you everytime. Let me give you a little lesson on Texas inheritance law…….since it was MY mother that passed away first and she was married to OUR father, by law as her sole heir I get her half. Okay so that gives you part of half. There are three of us, so you get 1/3 of half. Now, I can choose to make that how it is gonna be or I can be a good human and divide the whole into thirds. It is up to you and how you want to play. Now with all that said, let me give you another little tidbit to chew on…. worldly possessions don’t mean a shittenass thing to me. I own a pick-up, a car, three trailers, two storage boxes and a whole bunch of other crap. I have awesome antiques, I have awesome jewelry, I have some incredible works of art. I would walk away from all of it for the time and memories that I am making with the most incredible man on the planet. So, in your self absorbed little brain, get a grip on reality. I win no matter what because I choose love. Some day I hope beyond hope that you find that in that book you thump so hard. You seek guidance but you don’t open your heart, mind or soul to what you are shown. Pity, because that is a very lonely life. Let go of the idea that the one that dies with the most toys wins, because the way I look at it the one that dies with the most love lives on in the ones that are left behind. I am the youngest of all of us, I have lost a parent, and I fight everyday to take care of the one parent that we share.
I realize that I am not easy to comprehend. I know that I am incredibly different. I have seen and lived through things in the past that most people will never know about, that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy but I have sifted through it all and learned what I was supposed to and left the rest in the past. It wasn’t easy nor was it fun, but it brought me to the here and now. It has made me a very compassionate, loving person that I have grown to love. I am hard working and I am probably more devoted to my family than most but you know what? I see that as only a good thing. Don’t walk into my world and mess with that cause I will rock your world. There is one thing that I have learned along the way…. I can walk away and never look back. That means that in my world you become non-existent. I can do it with family, friends, and love interests, I have done it before and I really don’t mind doing it again. You bless my life and I promise to bless yours. You hurt me or the people I love then you don’t deserve to stay in my life.
Just needed to vent this morning. Laying some ground rules. Putting out some reminders. It is a beautiful morning that has blessed me. I am incredibly blessed by the people that are in my life and I love them all with a ferocity beyond words. But some times it gets a little cloudy and I am forced to clean house.