Life and Laughter

It doesn’t matter where you are at in your life, you are there for a reason.  A lesson to be learned, a person to meet that will forever change your life, an event that you are supposed to be a part of, none of us know but there is a reason.  Things happen in life that we don’t ask for or that we don’t look for but they happen.

There are days when I really would like to run away from my life but then I stop and look at all the good that is there.  It definitely out weighs the bad.  Yeah it can get tough and I need a break but I go for a walk or go to my safe place and I sit quietly and search my heart and I know it will all be okay.

One thing that I have learned over the years is that getting mad and bitchy doesn’t do anything but make a bad situation worse.  I have had times when anger management classes would have probably been a really good thing.  But as life has carried on and years have gone by, I often wonder if I was mad at me or if I was mad at the situation.  All too often we blame the situation when if we actually looked at ourselves and our own reactions we should be mad at the real culprit.

I did fire back at the lady in my photoshop class yesterday.  Knowing that she doesn’t like her life, her relationship status, or that she had to leave a church family that she loved to take care of an aging mother.  But when it came down to analyzing it, she has been unhappy all semester and barked at everyone.  A church family that you love does not mean that you have learned from that church.  An ailing parent is hard work and is demanding and some days takes every ounce of energy you can muster.  Being the unconventional student isn’t easy either it takes way more hands than I have to juggle it all some days.  So, it isn’t like I don’t understand this woman.  I just choose to handle the situation different.

I am not justifying for her by no means or for my response to her.  Just being factual.  Life is too short and people leave it way too quickly to be that anger monster.  You have to seek happiness and let it in before you can be happy.  Choose your battles as my mother in law used to say.  Boy did I ever think that I would quote that!!  She was so right though!!

I have also learned that when I am feeling that I need to vent that it is so much better to seek out someone that needs a smile and provide that than to bark at the world.  That is why I tell people to touch lightly, that is why I make sure to tell people that I love them, and why I laugh so much.  Laughter and a smile opens way more doors than anger and hate.

If you have to put it in God’s hands, or give it back to Mother Nature, or what ever you want to believe in I have a tendency to write it on a piece of paper and then burn it but which ever you choose…get rid of the negative and make room for more positive!!

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A book I think we could all use a refresher on from time to time!!!!

1.  etiquette [ˈɛtɪˌkɛt ˌɛtɪˈkɛt]

n 

1. (Sociology) the customs or rules governing behaviour regarded as correct or acceptable in social or official life
2. (Sociology) a conventional but unwritten code of practice followed by members of any of certain professions or groups medical etiquette.
2.  manners [ˈmænəz]
pl n 

1. social conduct he has the manners of a pig
2. a socially acceptable way of behaving

The past couple of days I have tried very hard to keep a civil tongue in my unprepossessing mouth.  I know that I am as guilty of forgetting my manners but it just seems to me that some people were just never taught any.

For example, I have talked to you 5 or 6 times just chatting does not mean that I want to know ANYTHING about your private life.  PERIOD.  I especially don’t want to know about your sex life.  That is between two people and private…thus private life.

If I post something on facebook and you find it funny, rude, loving or hateful then by all means post something on it.  I love discussions and I love to make people laugh.  But if I post something and you butt in be forewarned I will tell you that you are rude.

Never tell me to shut up.  I was sitting in class today and a woman turns around and tells about 6 of us to shut up.  It was not during class but before and we were talking about the test we were fixing to take.  And yes I did break my nice stick upon her head and tell her that honey catches more than vinegar.  I also told her that this was her one freebie and that next time I would bring my dinner bell from the house just to add to the noise.  Granted this woman has been rude and utterly a bitch since the first day of class.  So me giving her the benefit of the doubt that she was just having a bad day and stressing about the test went out the window really quickly.  

follow your dreams!!

I set out to conquer a dream this year, and slowly but surly the end is drawing near.  I was writing a paper today and it hit me like a ton of bricks….December will be here awfully quick!!  I am excited for so many reasons but the main one is I followed my dreams!!

I have made many friends, rekindled old ones too, and I think life is going just where God planned.  It is awesome!! 🙂  But you never get there sitting on your hands instead you have to get in amongst it and make great plans!!

Rebecca Jean…..

Rebecca meaning and name origin

Rebecca \r(e)-bec-ca, reb(e)-cca\ as a girl’s name is pronounced ree-BEK-ah. It is of Hebreworigin, and the meaning of Rebecca is “to bind”. Biblical: Rebekah, noted in the Genesis account as a maiden of beauty, modesty, and kindness, became the wife of Abraham’s son, Isaac. The name was used by the Puritans and was common through the 19th century. Use of the name in the novel and film “Rebecca” also revived it. Philanthropist Rebekah Harkness; author Rebecca West; actress Rebecca De Mornay.

 

Rebecca (also Rebekah, also Rivkah, , “to tie; to bind; captivating, beautiful) appears in the Hebrew Bible as a prophet and the second matriarch of the four matriarchs of the Jewish people. She was the wife of Isaac and the mother of Jacob and Esau. …

 

 

Jean is a common female given name in English-speaking countries, pronounced /ˈdʒiːn/. It is the Scottish form of Jane (and is sometimes pronounced that way). It is the equivalent of Johanna, Joanna, Joanne, Jeanne, Jana, and Joan.

Meaning”Yahweh is gracious”

 

 

I have always liked my name, my daddy named me.  I really don’t know where he came up with Rebecca but I know that Jean was after my Momma.  There are two places that I go by Becca, Facebook and my Mom’s family.  I have always hated the name Becki but that is for my own personal reasons.  I do go by Bec as a pet name but it is used by very few very close friends.  In reading the meaning of Rebecca, I would like to thank Daddy for giving me some attributes.  Matriarch..I mother everything! lol  Binding…like the scales under which I was born, I do have a tendency to want to bring two sides together.  To see beauty..I search out that which is beautiful either with pictures or words. Jean is either a rugged tough fabric or tough pants.  It is also defined as God is gracious.  So, I think he did quite a good job of naming me!! 🙂

 

self

Thought for the Day: “We might have faith in God but do we have faith in ourselves? Many times we don’t take a chance on an opportunity that God provides for us because we don’t believe in ourselves as much as God believes in us.” I hope you have a miraculous day today my friends. – Elmer Laydon

 

This sure did hit home today.  Some times this is so true, we believe in God, we believe in others but we forget to look at the one that counts the most…..OURSELVES.  This has been something that is evolving in my world and the more I grow the more I learn that I am important.  I am. Period.  What I have to say and what I have to offer is important.  I like this one, think I am going to stitch it out to remind me.  Hope that it touches you too for it is the truth.

Homework is calling for there seems to be more due in the last 4 weeks than there was the whole rest of the semester!!  Touch lightly and know that you are forever loved. 🙂

Love ya Mom. :)

Dear Mom,

Well, today has been four years.  I have missed you so much this week, more than just daily.  This has been a strange anniversary for I have finally become mad at you.  There have been so many things that have come to pass since you left and I just wished that you were here for all of them.  I know you see even what is in my heart but sometimes I just miss the smell of you, I miss the touch of your hand and the laugh that lit up the room.  I have gone back over every conversation that we have had and I understand you so much more.  I wish that you would have let me in when you were still alive but I know in my heart that I am revealed things as I need to be.  This past four years has sure been a time of growth, of self knowledge and of change.  Some times even though I understand where you were coming from it still hurts but I will be alright.  You are still my hero.  You were the most loving and caring woman I have ever met.  I have watched you fight for every breath a patient took and you taught me that even if the doctors give up, a caregiver never does.  You taught me that no matter how hard things get that you get up in the morning and you work your butt off everyday.

The one thing that I wish you had of taught me in life instead of in death was that it is okay to be me.  But I think we finally got that covered and I am so glad that we did.  Life is on the upswing and I seem to smile an awful lot these days.  I miss you dearly Mom.   If you were here, yes as always I would hold your hand and tell you this…..I love you always and forever.  Today until eternity.  And to that question that you asked me every year at least once a year…..yes Mom, I am. 🙂

It is a good anniversary even if the days leading up to it were rough.  Thank you wonderful people that held me close and let me cry it all out.  You know who and you know how much you mean to me.

Love and blessings to all!

Becca

it is time……

I am sorry if this hurts,

I am sorry if this shocks,

I am sorry if you hate me

but this is how it looks.

I have spent the past two years looking for me.

Only to figure out that I wasn’t lost.

I have always been me

I will always be me

and I like me.

Here is my story just and true.

I am 42 years old, I am finishing my BA in English with a minor in Journalism.  I love the out doors, animals, my family, and strangely enough all of my friends.  I am strong willed and determined.  I love with all of my heart and until recently didn’t let anyone in close enough to see that.  About 2 years ago someone walked into that bubble and turned my world upside down.  So for the past 2 years I have tried to figure out how on earth that happened.  It is called love.  For the first time in my life I don’t have to be someone I am not, I don’t have to jump through hoops to be loved and I don’t have to hurt to be loved.  I just am.  I have known since I was a kid that I was a lesbian but tried to live a life that was a lie.  I am not sorry that I can’t live that lie anymore.  I have remembered that I like to wear make up I like to wear heels, I like to be a girl.  I like to be treated like a woman and I deserve to be.  I do what I have to in order to make my life work.  I fix cars, I do woodwork, and I sew.  I take care of Dad because I love him dearly.   I am not the slave, I am not the hired hand.  I am ME!!   My immediate family has known it for a long time.  Two years ago when I told my daughter that I was gay, she looked at me and said, ” Really Mom?  Really?  Everyone that knows you knows that, why didn’t you?”  Thank you small child for helping me out!!  But in reality she has been dead square, hit the nail on the head, right.  I am me and that is all I have to say.  I didn’t turn into some ogre, I didn’t burst into flames in the sun.  The truth is even though I have searched for me…I am me.  If you have to have a reason for me being gay….I will give you one……blame it on Eleanor.  Direct descendant from Eleanor Roosevelt.  But seriously, I have not lost my faith, my religion, or my mind I actually have figured out that I just found it all.  I am still hard working, fun loving, and determined, and I still believe in God.    And as for that person that walked through my bubble…..I love you  Carrie, thank you for taking the time to walk through, take my hand and show me that life outside the bubble is totally awesome!!  And for putting up with me until I got my bearings and landed on my feet.  I am writing it all down……  Thank you Karen for poking me enough to verbalize my feelings.  Love ya!  And many thanks yous  to so many wonderful people that have stuck by me accepted me and loved me just the same!!   I have struggled with this for years, and since Mom passed away I have learned that this is my life, not hers, not yours but mine.  I have done all the things I should now it is time to make myself happy.  I am tired of living with one foot in the closet and one in a life that makes me happy.  By the way, Carrie you can quit showing me the closet now.    Friday night was the last straw,  enough is enough and it is time to move on with my life.  Time to allow Kristen to have a life and not expect her to follow in my footsteps.  I was going to make this my last blog entry, but I will never give up writing so I don’t see a need to stop my blog.  Thank you for showing me and helping me to get to the other side.   I love my family and my friends…..  Know that you are loved dearly, thought of daily and kept forever in my heart. Still….. touch lightly each person you meet because you do not know the extent to which you impact…….

Love Always

Rebecca Jean~