strangers in passing….

I watch this young lady every day walk across campus.  She is tall with long brown hair.  She is very thin, almost waifish.  She walks along using a very small gate with a hurriedness to her step.  She always reminds me of being cold.  Dressed in black jeans and furry boots, a black t shirt with an over sized cardigan sweater.  Her arms are what makes me feel cold, they are always crossed tight in front of her.  She reminds me of someone strolling along in Central Park in the winter time.  As I trail along behind her I wonder why she walks with her head down.  Very rarely does she ever look up, like if she took her eyes from the ground it would open up and swallow her.  I have seen her face only on occasion and if I saw her out of her normal place in my day, I would not recognize her.  But she is quite an intriguing person.  I would come near recognizing her suburban than I would her.  Today it happened that we met face to face on the sidewalk.  I said hi!  In a very quiet mousy voice she responded.  She is one of those people that you see everyday and would really like to know the rest of the story.  Or that you could write a story about.

 

What makes her so intriguing? What made me notice her at all?  I think it is because I see so much of myself in her at that age.  The very quiet, very shy never looking at anyone person.  I didn’t look up for then I would have to make eye contact and actually have to speak to someone.  I would have to actually let someone inside my bubble for a split second.  Just to do the day to day tasks and not be bothered was hard, hard not to be noticed.  A wall flower I was good at and comfortable with, I didn’t where anything but dark colors and I surely did not do anything to attract attention.  So are we truly strangers in passing or kindred spirits???

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the many hats I wear…..,

Today was one of those days that I think makes me a true Texas woman.  You know the ones, the ones where you change hats and directions a million times a day.  Lets see….I finished putting the water pump on my truck, I played nurse, I played chef, I ran some errands, did homework and played maid.  Gee I wonder why people think I am strange……

I am not strange, just hardheaded and want things done right and had parents that taught and encouraged.  I am so proud of my truck!!!  I have really missed it.  If I go get hay or if I need to move something or haul something I would get so aggravated.  I like my car but there is just something about that truck that I love.  I don’t have to depend on someone else mostly.

It felt good to be outside in the warm sunshine…and I didn’t hurt me even once.  No scratched knuckles, no broken fingernails!!  But now it is late and I should already be in bed and here I sit typing away on the laptop……gonna regret that in the morning!!

I am just a Texas girl trying hard to get along in this world.  

sike!

Sometimes Mother Nature is such a tease!  The clouds grew all afternoon, big thunderstorm clouds, and about sunset it began to thunder.  The lightening began slowly lighting up the window panes with a glorious flash.  As night fell the storm slowly moved to the north, not a drop of rain.  But as I sat on the porch after telling the kids good-bye I the waning storm filled my senses.  The lightening flashing in the distance, the roll of thunder gently making its way across the land, the smell of the wet dirt on the breeze…..I long for rain and all Mother Nature can do is Tease!!!!

my search….

The question posed…..what are you looking for in a relationship?

I thought this was going to be a really easy question.  But 400 miles later and a whole lot of soul searching I think I can express what I am looking for.

I am in search of a best friend and a lover.  I am searching for someone that is my very best friend to share all of life, the good in each other, our faults, our fears, and our passions.   A person that is not dependent on me for every second of everyday but that knows that I will be right there and will be the same with me.  I want a friend that has their own thoughts, their own feelings and be able to share those and for me to be the same with them.

I want a lover, passionate and loving.  A lover to reach into my very soul, my very being and both of us express our passion and desire.  A lover that will hold me and take my hand, that will stand in the pouring rain with me and feel as warm inside as a toasty fire.  I want a lover that can gently kiss my shoulder and leave a smoldering mark there and make my heart race.  I want a lover whose hand in the middle of my back can send desire through my body and at the same time know that I am in the safest, most loved place in the world.  Someone who when I awaken in the middle of the night makes me smile just lying beside them.

I want someone that we can walk through life side by side, not one in front of the other or just a step behind. I want someone that brings out my strengths and allows me to bring out theirs, that rejoices in each other’s triumphs and helps you recover from the pitfalls.  On a hot summer’s day working in the yard isn’t a chore because you are spending time together.

I want to be able to share nature, to share a book, to share a dream with someone.  To stand in the setting sun with arms wrapped around me and there doesn’t have to be a word uttered for you are just wrapped together in the arms of nature.  To sit beneath the stars and talk of nothing but to communicate everything. I want to spend time with someone that shares their day with you.

That is what I am looking for…..a best friend and a passionate lover.  I don’t know if this person exists, if I will ever find what I am looking for but the only way to find it is to keep looking.  Is it a hopeless romantic dream?  Does it have to be perfect? No I don’t think it is either.  I think that it exists.

the great end to a busy week!!!!!!!!!

I never thought of myself as complicated….always thought I was pretty simple.  My philosophy is pretty simple…be kind to others and show them that you care, learn something new everyday, and never be afraid to try something new.  That is pretty simple and straight forward.

It is days like today that I figure out that I can be pretty complicated……be kind to others and show them that you care…..I generally chose to help the underdog.  I fight ferociously for injustices.  I want to give those that won’t speak out or can’t speak out a voice.  I have an article due in Magazine writing.  I am concerned about the maturity of my class mates.  I have chosen to interview and write about a local restaurant owner and his ability to inspire others despite having to deal with hate crimes.  I have submitted the query letter to a magazine called Mensbook.  I sent the quary about an hour ago and I already got a response and made the first cut.  Yahoo!!

This is what my letter said……

A man is driving home late one night on dark highway in Central Texas as a pick-up pulls alongside and in a split second several things happen at once.  The Molotov cocktail hits the window beside him breaking both in an explosion of sound and fire.  The second cocktail hit and splattered gas across the back of the mini-van.   Fear, anger, and a million other emotions cross his mind as he gets the van pulled off to the side of the road.  A young couple traveling not far behind stops to help as the pick-up speeds off into the darkness.   Roy and his partner own and operate a local restaurant, they live two towns over and drive the thirty miles back and forth. There was nothing done about the acts of violence that these two men endured.

Faced with more hate crimes from the local skin-head groups, the local KKK, and the other narrow-minded people,  Roy chose to continue to live here and to keep his restaurant open.  He buys local as much as possible and contributes greatly in many ways to both communities.  He takes his business seriously but even after the hate crimes against him, he does it with a laugh and a smile.

As a writer I would love to do a profile piece about Roy, his ambition, his strength and his ability to continue to give to the community.  I believe that his story could be an inspiration to all small town businesses.  I own the only photography studio in the area that will do LGBT family portraits.  Inspiration is always sought to strengthen  us from the fear of hate crimes.

So I guess that statement isn’t as simple as I thought…….

whirlwind

Life is like a whirlwind….ever turning, ever moving.  I like that line in Practical Magic.  Have you ever stood in the yard with your arms out and spun round and round until you fall down?  Then she goes on to say that you have to surround yourself with people that love you so you don’t loose sight and fall.  That is how life feels some times,  like it is spinning and spinning out of control.   It is amazing how dizzy it can get.

A cup of coffee at the end of the day and a hug to send me on my way can sure make life better.  Calmness, no thoughts of anything but those few moments to make it stop for just awhile.  Then off and running again.

As I sit here listening to Dad talk on the phone to his sister I am hurt.  Hurt in the things that he thinks I ignore, the things that my ’round to it hasn’t gotten back around to doing.  I get up at the crack of dawn and most nights I go to bed about midnight.  It is usually a non-stop day.  I don’t sit and just play on Facebook I play a game in between chores and homework.  The one time during the whole day that I actually sit down for more than a few minutes is in the evening either before or after supper.  So I guess this weekend if it isn’t too cold I will be playing catch up on some of the things that I need to get done.  I guess next month I will order chickens AGAIN, and work on the Kaboda.  This week I finish the house and finish getting the kids moved.  Not that I haven’t been doing that already.  Homework?  Well, I guess it will happen when it gets done……..

Life is like a whirlwind…..I really want a calm day!!

unconditional

Thought for the Day: “God’s love is unconditional. He does not love you more or less based upon what you have, what you might become, or what you might be able to do in the future. He loves you for who you are today.” Have a wonderful day today everyone! – Elmer Laydon

 

Something I think we all need to hear once in a while….you are loved unconditionally.  A long time ago I read the bible cover to cover and wondered what to do with the knowledge that it imparted.  So I went to the smartest man I know about things like that, dad.  Dad, what do I do with all of this and at every turn seems like I am going to hell regardless?  Then I gave birth to my daughter and I returned to that same man, Dad, have I really doomed my daughter?  My father in his awesome wisdom gave me this advice…..the bible is a guide.   Not written in stone but by man.  If you take the knowledge in it and apply it to your life then you will be a good person.  As far as dooming my daughter, no you have not for God is a loving being and a forgiving being.  He is like your father, he has a firm hand when needed but is kind and loving and loves you no matter what.  So I took that knowledge and try to live it everyday.  I love my fellowman unconditionally, I accept their differences and support them as much as I can.   I do touch lightly and lovingly and over the years have learned to bite my tongue.