I wish right now that you were awake, it is 1am and I have had a dream. Not the first one this week but just as much a gem as the last. I wish you were here to hold me tight even though it is deep in the night.
Wrap me close in your wonderful arms and make the boogie man vanish. To gently sooth my battered soul with kindest words that I don’t even know. It doesn’t matter what you would say, if anything. Just your heart beating gently in the night, your whisper holding me ever so tight.
I wish that you were still awake, my hand you could slowly take. To loan me your shoulder and maybe your ear. To talk out these demons that only I hear. I would call you on the phone but I respect you more than that, to wake you just so that we could chat.
So here is sit in the middle of the night, alone in my bedroom and far from sight. My quilt wrapped round me good and tight but it isn’t the same as your wonderful insight . With things I would tell you, things I would share hoping that you wouldn’t just sit and stare. That you of all people would understand that I hate the night it is the one thing that I cannot stand. Night time in my world is lonely, dark and unruly. Night time is quiet time when even sleep doesn’t quiet my mind. But instead manifests my fears and hurts as I lay in bed. I usually control those demons inside, the ones that pray upon my fears. Something this week deep inside really has them stirred.
But for some reason I know that if I traded my blanket for your arms right now that sleep would come and all would be quiet some how. To look at me on the outside one would think I was tough as nails. That the world couldn’t touch me not physically any how. You would think that I was tough don’t you see, but deep down inside I am really just me. A woman that is searching in an endless sea for someone to see past all that and find me. To bring out the person I know I could be.
So here I sit all alone in the dark wishing for you from deep in my heart. Wishing against all hope in the night that someday alone won’t be such a fight. Someday when my heart soars and my mind just takes flight. To leave the confines that see to hold me so tight. When my arms reach out and find you right there, when my ears hear your breathing and know all is clear. A night when our heart beats share the night.
It is 1 in the morning and I am sitting alone, wishing just wishing that I could pick up the phone. To call you and say “a bad dream came my way will you talk for awhile?” Or tell me a story that ends with a smile.